Words

Alissa Marie with her Uncle Erik
Thanksgiving 2006


It occurs to me that you never know what impact your words might have on someone. Both positively and negatively. But this thought comes to me because of a positive thing that was said to me some time ago by a very unsuspecting person.

As a nurse I am in contact with many, many people every week. From patients to families and co workers to doctors. I've said before that going to work is so good for me and for my soul. I see patients from all walks that's for sure. One thing is for certain: illness doesn't discriminate. The hospital that I work at, though relatively small (200+ beds), serves a fairly large area. There are also a couple other hospitals nearby, one in particular serves the wealthier population of people in this area.

Most everyone knows that our conception of Alissa was by all means the absolute plan of God. We were surprised to say the least at the knowledge of our pregnancy with her, but thank goodness our faith helped us through the shock. I worked almost up until the day that I delivered her, which finally leads me to the point of this post.

It is a thrill for me to make mention of my kids when I am caring for my patients. Some nurses prefer to completely separate their home lives from their work, but I feel that it makes a patients stay a little nicer when they have the opportunity to share in my life just a little. I know it's risky at times, but I've never found it to be anything by rewarding and worth the effort. When I was very pregnant with Alissa, I was caring for a very elderly woman who was very sick, but still pleasent to talk with. When she asked me about my pregnancy, I took the opportunity to tell her my brief story about my other two children and that this pregnancy, though a surprise, was turning out to be a blessing. At that time she said something that penetrated my soul. She looked at me and said, "Honey, this baby will be so blessed and she is already so special." When she said that to me, I just looked back at her and said, "Thank you, I really know that."

It's funny how someone that I don't even know could say something that impacted me so much. I have no idea if this woman is still living or not, but I would love to be able to tell her how much her words meant to me. And what she said has absolutely proven to be true. Alissa is a blessing to us every day. Her personality is developing so much right now and she is so perfect. Her smile lights up the room and her babbling words are like the sweetest sound you can imagine.

We've often said, "Of course God gave us Alissa, she belongs in our family." We need her. She is a blessing and she is so special.

Longing For the Past

I'm not really one to look back with regrets. I prefer to live in the moment, but lately I have really been longing for some of the things that are in my past. For example, there are times that I miss what it was like for Eric and I before we had our kids. That isn't to say at all that I wish we didn't have them, of course, but if you are a mother, I predict that you know what I mean. There's that old adage that says, "You never know what you'll miss until its gone." That's how I feel about "dating" Eric. When we were dating and first married, we'd go out and do things all the time and we loved it, but then I started longing for children. It didn't take long to realize that we were missing what we used to have.

I also really miss my friends. I've shared that before in other posts, but it's so true and lately I'm just sort of longing for the friendships that I had before. All these people are still friends, but the relationship changes, as naturally it would, when we move away from each other.

Before I moved I was having lunch with my best friend Angie at least once a week. She is someone that I've shared life with for so long that missing her actually hurts a little bit. At the same time though, I never fear that our friendship will dissolve or be tainted by distance or time.

Lately, I've begun sharing life (through e-mail) with an old friend who I miss dearly. Kristen is a friend that was divinely appointed by God. We wound up as pot luck roommates our freshman year of Bible College. For both of us it was our first time away from our homes. We had crazy things in common like we showed up on move in day with the exact same bedspread (Winnie the Pooh). She and I formed a bond that was so instantaneous and such a blessing. Being that I have a rebelious streak in me, we parted as roommates after the first semester so that I could pretend to be someone that I wasn't. But God's provision for our friendship reigned victorious as it always does and to this day we are stronger in our friendship than ever.

What I love about Kristen, among other things, is that she really gets me. She understands my life at a personal level probably better than anyone else. Here's why... she too has 3 kids. They are very similar in age to mine and we share the same daily struggles and joys as a result. What a blessing. I'm certain that her days must take on a slightly different dynamic as she has all boys, but over all, I knwo that I can share something with her and before my story is over she already knows the outcome. How awesome!

What I wish was that there was some way for us to share life together in person. Would you believe that we've never even met each other's kids? I have met her oldest, Daniel, but only briefly. If there was such thing as arranged marriages and I approved of such a thing, I'd make sure that my girls ended up with her boys! Hahaha!

Reading Books

For as much as I love to write, wouldn't you think that I also love to read? For some reason those things should come in tandem. For me though, they don't. It's frustrating. I really wish that I loved to read or even liked it more than I do. Now, don't get me wrong, if I get a hold of the right book, I'll read it all. But the way it is for most books is that I get them and then I am hard pressed to get passed the first couple chapters. That really bugs me.

I have a list of books that I really want to read, but at this rate, I'll never get through them all in this lifetime. Hmmm, I feel a New Year's Resolution coming on... read more books. In the sidebar I'll make a list of the books that I both recommend (having actually read them) and a list of books that are on my list to either finish or start (and then finish).

Pastor Under Siege

How sad it is to read and learn about the immorality that Pastor Haggard has confessed to. Of course the first reaction that I had was one of shock and anger at him for engaging in such horrible things. But almost instantly, the Holy Spirit moves in my soul to transform my anger from being directed at this man and redirecting it toward Satan.

Satan is by far the father of lies and deception. I don't know Pastor Haggard but based on the reputation of his church I am certain that he has touched many lives for the sake of the Kingdom and I am certain too that he has been fed many lies from the evil one. Don't get me wrong, I'm not giving him a pass for the wrong, immoral decisions that he made on account of Satan, I am just suggesting that someone who has the potential of influencing so many lives for the good of God's Kingdom is a real threat to Satan and he will go to great lengths to cause him to fall.

In his statement to his church Pastor Haggard says that the poor decisions he made were a direct result of a life long struggle that he has had. He isn't specific about what the struggle has been, but I would just venture to guess that it all began as a young man struggling with pornography. Perhaps no one was available and bold enough to teach him about the life long ramifications of such actions. What starts out seeming like a harmless, one time thing that feels good for a moment can easily turn into a life long addiction. And for Christ followers it's an addiction that is a battle every day of their lives.

I believe that the problem is that the church is only beginning to scratch the surface of addressing this issue that is as real as anything else. Sure, it's a tough one to tackle, but leaving it unaddressed and un dealt with will surely lead to more and more scandals just like this one. Men of God are being attacked! The very nature of who God created them to be is being attacked by the enemy. Men are sexual beings and in its purest form this is a beautiful thing, but the world (Satan) has tainted its purity so completely that its difficult to even see its beauty. Again, I will say that though I don't know the details surrounding the fall of Pastor Haggard, I am convinced that the world's view of sex and sexuality had some part in it. And further I am convinced that the drug use that he admits to was a means by which to temporarily and falsely clear his conscience.

At this moment I have such compassion for this man. I am appalled at his actions and his confessions and quite frankly, I am disgusted by them. But I am furiously angry at Satan because I know that it is he who at some point fed Pastor Haggard enough lies and deceived him to the point of failure. My hope for this man of God is that he will recall what Jesus did for him, for us all. I also hope that the Holy Spirit would move those around him to love him with Christ's love and despise the sin but love the sinner.

Encouraging Women

Today was another Beth Moore day at church. I always come away from there feeling so refreshed. I woke up feeling pretty miserable with a cold that has been looming for a couple days. I thought about skippin the session, but knew I'd be so happy if I went. It was another great message, but the thing I felt most encouraged about was the kind words from a couple of the women in my breakout group.

Of course as you know if you read at all regularly, I put myself out there. I wear my emotions on my sleeve, not just in my writing but also in real life. I was so encouraged that one of my sisters (in Christ, as I have no blood relative sisters)had asked me for my blog address. I was happy to share it. Her words today were so encouraging to my heart. I am blessed that people read what I write, but also very humbled. The blessing came because she was able to relate to my words. When ever I dream of writing I always think, "I would only want to write if I were certain that others could relate." I loved what Beth Moore said in todays message. She talked about how vital it is to let God's Word and words change you. Don't just listen and do nothing. Let them penetrate your soul. She said, if writing these studies and doing these talks does nothing to change us, then what's the point?
That's how I feel when I think about writing. Only if there is a greater good to be gained... not for me, for the Kingdom.

So, my friends this morning encouraged me in this way, that perhaps I could touch a life with my words.

My Dream House

Okay, I know I've said it before, but let me just say again for the record how expensive it is to live here. It's disheartening, I'll be honest. And though I've maybe never said so in these words, we've grown out of our current home. I'm not saying I hate our house, but we've grown out of it. There are some things I like about having a small space. Like, for example, it's relatively easy to clean. I can pass the vacuum through our entire downstairs in less than 10 minutes. Probably closer to 5 minutes to be honest. And that includes the linoleum in kitchen. If you knew every thought that I had about material things, I have no doubt that you would think that I am purely materialistic, but the reality is that I think more than I feel. In other words I have a lot of thoughts that even I know are unrealistic and at times a little sinful. So, when it comes right down to it, there are some things that I really desire to have in a house and home, and still some that are and will in all likelihood remain tiny figments of my imagination. Here are some of the realistic things:
- A house that isn't attached to 6 other ones and is a few more than 10 steps away from my neighbor, even 20 steps would be good.
- A yard that isn't concrete paver stones where I can trust my kids to be without worrying that they'll bother someone else's property.
- 4 bedrooms so that either each kid can have a room of their own, or we can have a guest room
- A basement that we can use as multipurpose
- At least one extra room downstairs so that we aren't constantly on top of each other every waking moment.

So, those are some of my things that I really don't think is asking too much. Some other things are desirable but not all together necessary. Things like a front porch, 3 car garage, back deck. Even though they aren't all together necessary, I still don't think they're over the top extravagant.

I found a house that I must say comes the closest to being the house of my dreams. I'm really not looking for something of mansion proportions. Cause if I had that, I am certain that I couldn't afford someone to clean it which means I'd have to clean it. This house that I found is truly just a hop, skip and a jump from where we live now. But it's got everything I want only the price is more than double what we can truly afford here. What I plan to do is hang on to the listing and hope and pray that one day God will choose to bestow this type of blessing on us.

Please, don't get me wrong, I don't think that God isn't blessing us here. Oh, he is. I have seen the hand of God at work in so many ways. This is just one other thing that I will add to my list of desires and go to God with. He says you have not cause you ask not. Don't worry, I know the context is a little skewed. I'm joking a little bit, but not in praying about it.

Melancholy

Well, this is interesting. I actually just looked up the word melancholy in the dictionary and the first definition has nothing to do with a state of mind, but the second says, "depression of spirits." I always thought that melancholy just meant that you were not excited or depressed, just somewhere in the middle. So that's why I titled my post Melancholy. If you refer to melancholy as depressed, then that's not what I meant.

I don't really feel depressed. I feel extremely thoughtful lately though. So much is going on internally for me that it's got me wound up so tight. Oddly, I have a real sense of peace though. I know that my peace is coming from God alone. He promises me that he will be the peace that passes all understanding. We are in a place that we never imagined that we'd be 2 years after moving away from our home. I have to confess that as hard as I try, I can't make this place feel 100% like home. I've always felt that way. That's really all I can say about the current state of things.

Post Weekend

I worked all weekend and it always feels good. It feels good to have worked and challenged my brain, my skills and served people (while making a few dollars). But, I'm always better at home when I've work a little outside of my home. I know not everyone is like me, but after I work, my attitude is better when I return home. And since I don't work full time I don't feel like I'm burning out at work. Most of the nurses I work with are bitter about being there and frankly hate coming to work. I can remember feeling this way when I worked full time...all the time! As nurses, working full time means you work way more than "full time." This leads to burn out! It just does! So, I am grateful that I only work a couple days a week, cause when those days come, I'm eager to work and when the weekend is over, I'm eager for a new week to start at home! It's the best of both worlds for me... most of the time!

As long as I work in a hospital I will be required to fulfill my holiday duty. No one wants to work on a holiday, but the way that look at it that always seems to help is that the people I'm taking care of want to be in the hospital a whole lot less than I want to be there working. If I can make their stay in the hospital over a holiday even the least bit more joyful, then I feel better about being there.

I took care of a woman whose family was in from out of state for only a few days at the exact time that she got sick unexpectedly and had to be hospitalized. I know if that were me, I would be so sad. So, I did my best to encourage her and empathize with her. Of course taking care of people's physical needs is imperative while they are in the hospital, but I really believe that taking care of people mentally and emotionally is just as important, if not more so. If you've ever had a grouchy nurse, then you know what I mean.

So, it feels good to start a new week after working all weekend. My kids definitely drive me less crazy when I've had some time away from them. (not being mean, just being honest)!!!

Rewind

Okay, so it's been a little while since I've posted a blog on here. To those of you who are my faithful blog checkers, I love you and appreciate you. I recognize that by not posting more regularly, I run the risk of losing your loyalty. Keep checking!
I confess that lately I've been cheating my Threeunder3 blog with another blog that I started to journal my feelings and emotions about a particular issue that is going on right now. If only you knew how many words I've hammered out on my pseudo blog. I've found it quite therapeutic to keep a pseudo blog. What i mean by that is just that I'm not publishing my posts, but rather keeping them saved as drafts. I just don't feel its the right time to be laying myself out there that raw for all to see. Perhaps, another time, just not now.

So, while I've been gone, Halloween came and went. A hallmark holiday for sure! Halloween is fun though. We have wrestled with whether or not it is appropriate to "celebrate" Halloween as Christians being that it is most notebly associated with witches, ghosts and a lot of evil stuff. But the reality is that it is just like any other day, but this one can be set aside for a little make believe. We just feel it's important to emphasize the make believe aspect of it for our children and NOT get all caught up in the scary, frightful parts of it. Our kids will surely get enough of that as they grow up. Just like any other "holiday" this one gets commercialized to the hilt!

This year Andrew was Sully from Monster's Inc. (the Disney movie) and Anna was a cute gray elephant... quite fitting for the upcoming election as one of the houses that we patroned for candy pointed out. Had we thought of it before, we would have made a sign to hang around her neck that said, "Vote Republican." We thought too late. Alissa was just a cute baby in a jump suit that said, "I take after my mummy!" She was very cute.

The trick or treat experience was our first ever with the kids. We invited our baby sitter, Jenny over to come with us. We dragged the kids around in the wagon and let them knock on people's doors to get candy. Of course as predicted, all they wanted was to eat the candy as soon as it was received. Well, anyway, it turned out to be a fun time. We hit about 10 houses and got more candy than we need that's for sure!

Laying down the rules for candy eating is nearly impossible. It's more like telling a joke. For some of the candy, we are experimenting for the first time. For example, a blowpop... Andrew just finished his first one ever, but he's not quite sure what to do with the gum in the middle and I'm pretty sure that he swallowed some of it. Same with a tootsie roll pop, only this time eating the center is the right idea. I never considered how confusing candy could be.

So, that's the latest. Well, a little of the latest anyway.

Pumpkin Patch

This weekend we went to Keller's Farm to a pumpkin patch and corn maze. We bypassed the corn maze figuring the kids would grow tired of it before we even began. The pumpkin patch was a hit though. Andrew and Anna really loved. Eric and I looked at each other and said, "Andrew acts like he knows what he's doing." None of us had ever been to a pumpkin patch before. I guess Andrew just agrees with the outdoors. He really loves it. Rain, snow, wind, sun... he doesn't care.

Also at Keller's farm was a barn full of hay bails and corn stalks that people could purchase. They had tons of mums and pre picked pumpkins and gords too. We opted to pick our own pumpkins from the patch. This made for an experience that was a lot more fun.

We left with 2 big pumpkins and 3 small pumpkins. I found that picking out a pumpkin is a lot like picking out a live christmas tree-- a tradition that is so special for me. The same way you pull a tree out from it's place in the line to spin it around checking for bare spots or dead branches and then making sure the trunk is straight, we would pick up the pumpkin, feel it for any soft spots, make sure it had a nice side for carving, then we would make sure that it would stand up straight. I always remember after we'd find a tree we liked, I loved hearing my mom and dad say, "we found the best tree out of all of them." I think we left with the two best pumpkins on the farm!

Happy Carving!

Another Baby?

No, don't worry, not another baby. Just read this funny story.

I am amazed at what things stick in my son's head. He's three, at what age did he start having such a long term memory?
The other day, we were driving past a store that is very near our house. We drive by it all the time. It's a Farm and Fleet that sells all kinds of odds and ends things. Last year, around the time that we had Alissa and my mom was here with us, she bought a wagon for the kids. The Farm and Fleet was one place that she looked for the wagon (to no avail). At that time, rather than getting Andrew and Anna and a very pregnant me out of the car to go into the store, we let grandma go in and look quickly by herself. This must have been significant to Andrew cause as we drove by the Farm and Fleet on this particular day only a couple days ago, Andrew said "Mommy, is Grandma going to get us a wagon?" Quickly making the connection I said, "Well, no, but Grandma did buy us a wagon didn't she?" "Yeah" Andrew said, "But she went in by herself. I didn't go with her." Wow, I thought, that's some memory.

The very next day, we had to run an errand at the hospital where I work. Having been there with me before, Andrew said, "Are we going to mommy's work?" I told him we were. Then, his memory not only amazed me again, but this time really made me laugh. He said, "Are we going to go have another baby?" Oh, man! The connection he made was not to my work this time, but to having babies at the same hosptial. I guess when you have two sisters in two years, both delivered at the same hospital, one might start to think that 's just what we do. Of course, I told him no, no more babies. He then asked, "Are we going to check your heart?" The reference this time I am guessing, was to the number of prenatal appointments he had been with me for where we would hear the babies heart beat.

So funny and sooooo cute! It's moments like these I hope I never forget!

In Threes

I can remember learning that there are numbers that are thought to be "holy." Three and seven are two that I remember specifically. I haven't had time to go back and research these numbers as they pertain to their holiness, but you can bet that I will. Especially in light of the recent things that God has been showing me in my life. I know that not everyone, even Christ followers, can say that they "hear" God. I know this because I've been a Christ follower for 17 years and I have not always "heard" God, but this time in my life stands alone. I hear God speaking to me and it's come in the form of three separate incidences all with the same message.

This is such a big deal to me, so big in fact that its almost easier to try to minimize it. I can honestly say that I've never received anything like this, in the spiritual sense. I've shared this with a few other people, but I believe its bigger than I'm able to communicate. I know that people are interested in sharing this part of my life, but there's something about it that perhaps God desires to stay between Him and me because I have not the words to express how much of an impact this is truly having on my life. Being that I'm the type of person who is expressive and likes for people to understand me with the magnitude and heart with which I speak, this idea of keeping something back is a little hard for me. Interestingly, I also believe that part of what God is teaching me is the next level of humility for me. The way that this is manifesting at least for now is that I am not able to force someone to fully "get it." The huge-ness of this, that is!

I know it has the tendency to sound like I've gone off the deep end and stepped into the bizaare part of spirituality, but know my heart on this. At some level, I'm scared and fearful of what this is that God has for me, but what I'm learning is that perhaps the "deep end" is where I'm being called. And I believe that the "deep end" is different for everyone. Which finally leads me to the tip of the iceberg that is the way that God has been speaking to me.

As I've shared in another post, I am doing a Beth Moore Bible Study called "Beloved Disciple." In this we are studying the life of the disciple John. In the first 5 weeks of this study (where we are currently) God has caused one main point to jump out at me over and over multiple times each week as I do my homework and then when I hear the message presented by Beth. That point is about "The great adventure." In a nutshell, when Jesus called his first 4 disciples, Andrew, Peter, James and John and asked them to "follow me" the 4 layed down their nets (representing the lives that were normal and ordinary) and they followed Jesus. This was the beginning of their "great adventure."
This is the first of the three.

At our celebration service this weekend, God once again used the lives of these 4 disciples to drive home this idea of the great adventure. The message was really about how Jesus never called us to be "Christians." The word Christian is not found in the Bible. It's about being a Christ follower. That's what Andrew, Peter, James and John were-- Christ followers. The same message was delivered in the context of this message, it's a "great adventure."
That's number 2.

As Christ followers we participate, and Eric helps lead, a small group that we hang out with weekly and share our lives with. For our next study we've agreed to study the Gospel of John. You might be thinking, "how can this be number 3, you could have decided to this study out of intrigue due to these other things." But no, we agreed to do this study long before I had any of these other revelations. So, this, I call number 3. I am certain that God will once again show me some reference to the "great adventure" as I begin studying this book.

Okay, so now that you know just the tip of what God has been saying to me, you might be wondering what it all means. Ahh, I ask myself the same question. The truth is that I don't know yet. I have some ideas of what God might be getting at with me, but until I have searched my heart and know that my ideas are not from selfish ambition, I will keep them to myself. What I do know is that God is calling me to something different, something great, probably something out of my comfort zone. I understand that anyone who's ever done something great has had to step out. What's my next step?

Our Kind of Place

I'm like every other girl. I love to be romanced, wined and dined occasionally, but truth be known, occasional is the key word. My husband knows me so well. He knows that the things that really get to my heart are the unexpected flowers and sweet cards. I still have a valentine (that's right a real valentine- like the one's we gave in first grade) that he put in the bathroom of our first house that said "To my beautiful wife" in his writing. I leave it in my make- up bag especially for times when I don't feel beautiful.

The wining and dining is nice sometimes. I do like to get dressed up and go out for a big, expensive dinner every once in a while. But the things that Eric and I love to do the most have nothing to do with getting all dressed up or spending ridiculous amounts of money (I know what you are thinking... clearly we like to do that, we had three kids in 3 1/2 years, but that's not where I'm going with this). When we were dating we had a place that we coined "our place."
It was a place called Hunter's Pub. We even had a booth there that if it was available we'd always sit at. Whenever we're home and have a chance to go there we do. Needless to say, we miss our dates there... well, we miss our dates period.

Last Tuesday, our usual samll group night, Eric had to work late as it's the end of the fiscal year for his company, so we decided to do the unthinkable and skip group in order to have a much needed date. For us, it was about taking advantage of our amazing sitter who was already coming to stay with the kids and getting in some time away from our house without our kids. There is a place that is new around here that we'd been wanting to try for a while. Pauley's Pub. Our kind of place! Of course, nothing will ever replace Hunter's, due in large part to pure nostalgia, but Pauley's was a close second. Both Hunter's and Pauley's are places that are not fancy. In fact, they are just what they say they are, Pubs.

So, I'll say it again, occasionally, I love to go get romanced at a nice restaurant and drink wine or a cosmo and eat expensive food, but on an ordinary day, give me my favorite jeans to wear, a pub and a couple beers. Just remember to bring me flowers unexpectedly.

Carnival for a Cure

Here's the report:
Last Friday was the event we had all been working toward and praying about for many months. The Cystinosis Carnival for a Cure. This was a benefit that was organized by an individual who, though I've said it many times, is so talented and stinkin' organized! When it all came together, I realized even more that the person that takes on the organization of an event of this size better have her stuff together and no one does more than my friend Amber. Nice going Amber!

The event was a huge success. The grand total at the end of it all was over $16,000. For a first time benefit I would say that's pretty good. We set the bar high for coming years though! I'm certain we'll rise to the challenge year after year. In the heat of all the organizing, planning and putting together of things for the carnival, I found that it was easy to lose site of our real purpose: helping find a cure for these two little lives who we love so much (and the many others affected by this disease). As we were setting up for the event and the tension was raising as we grew closer to start time, Alexis and Evan walked into the gym and my heart softened. I thought, "Look how beautiful these two kids are. This is for them. It's not about what the tables look like or how perfect the signs are, it's about these two." God was so present Friday night. I know that everyone involved would agree that He showed up in ways we couldn't have guessed he would. People from all over came out to support and love this amazing family and if you looked around it was pretty clear that everyone was having a great time.

What a privledge to be a part of something so significant.

Stay Tuned

The time has finally come. Carnival For A Cure will take place tomorrow. This is the event that I first mentioned in my post about my friends who have two children who have Cystinosis, a rare metabolic disease. A group of us, including our affected friends, have participated in the organization of this event under the direction of one very talented and serving friend. I look forward to sharing the results of the carnival and silent auction with you. Stay tuned...

Sibling Rivalry

We've reached the point in time where it's become quite necessary for us to move our almost 7 month old out of our bedroom walk-in closet where she sleeps in the pack-n-play and finally into her crib in her own room. Well, it's not really her own room, she shares it with her sister. In our few attempts to move her before, it seemed like it just wasn't worth the stress of having her in there with me being so worried that she'd wake up Anna. The truth is that Alissa hates her crib and loves the pack-n-play. Understandable being that she's always slept in the pack-n-play. What she needed was to have the room to herself for a while as she got used to sleeping in the crib.

So, I took the plunge and moved Anna's crib into Andrew's room and finally let Alissa have a room to herself. Last night was our first night and would you believe that everyone slept all night? Alissa screamed in her crib for probably 15 minutes before finally zonking, but the other two seemed relatively unphased by one another. I could hear them talking to each other for a few minutes before falling asleep, which actually did my heart a lot of good.

Oh, right, I titled this Sibling Rivalry. It's becoming more and more evident to me how each of my children's personalities could affect their relationships. Anna, who has always been fairly aggressive is also pretty sly. I find myself scolding Andrew when he complains that Anna took something from him as she sits there suspisciously quiet. I think she does the "wrong" thing, but gets away with it by being quiet. I gotta watch her!
Andrew, on the other hand, complains and whines about so much. He's very good with using his words and has quite a vocabulary. I'm grateful that he expresses himself so well, but the trick is turning the whining into something more productive.
Alissa is certainly too little to evaluate, but so far I see her demonstrating a disposition that really reminds me of Andrew. I guess time will tell.

Instant Gratification

For as long as I can remember I've been the type of person who wants instant gratification. I guess I take comfort in that I'm like most other Americans. Our society caters to my type with drive throughs, on-line ordering, and the multitude of weight loss fads. I mean I've even started placing my Sam's Club order on line and then I just go pick it up. I know people who have their groceries delivered to their houses.

Okay, the thing that made me think of writing this post was this recent plateau that I've reached with my weight loss. In the beginning of this leg of my weight loss journey I lost a significant amount of weight in the first few weeks. 17 pounds to be exact. But then I just hit this wall and despite my effort, I could not get past this point. It's easy to see why so many people fail at weight loss, myself included. Sure, I wanted to throw in the towel, but my mind automatically goes to, "then what?" After I put back on the 17 pounds and plus some most likely, then what would I do? So, I decided to persevere. I read all about plateaus and how to get past them.

In addition to Weight Watchers I added some serious exercise, which I knew I needed to do all along. This spinning class has been just awesome. I look forward to getting past this plateau and moving closer to my goal.

Spinning Plus Some

Okay, so here's my quick update for my blog. A few things going on that don't require long posts, but deserve something. For whatever reason I sometimes feel that if I don't have a lot to write then I won't write at all, but not everyone wants to read a novel everytime they log on right?

So, first, I started what I hope is the beginning of a consistent workout routine today. It's early morning 5:15, but if I can stick with it I know it'll be worth it. I'm starting to try Spinning. Or cycling for those who don't know the term Spinning... well now you do I guess. I've heard great things about this class. It's low impact of course cause your on a stationary bike, but it includes all kinds of movements to get a full body work out and the best part is that you burn up to 600 calories in an hour. Not bad! Okay, but here's the worst part, the dang seat hurt my butt so bad I was about to die. The seats are like regular cycle seats... think Lance Armstrong, definitely not your cushey padded seat like a regular stationary bike. The instructor who knew I was a freshman spinner told me that my butt would hurt at first but I'd get used to it. I really hope so. I have to say that i saw some people in the class that were heavier than me and much less in shape than me, so if they can do it, surely I can. How bad am I to compare? I think I was just looking for some hope actually. If I sound like I'm down on the class, I'm not, I'm actually really pumped to give this a go.

The second thing is my most recent discovery with Andrew's potty training. I am encouraged cause he's doing so well, but there are some days when I just think, "What is the point?" Like today, I am finding that he occasionally seems to have accidents on purpose so that he can try a new pair of underwear. The incentive of cute underwear for kids is so they'll want to potty like big kids, but for my son, it's turning out to be, "Let's try every pair I own in one day-- they're so fun!"

The last thing that I can think of now is the best news of the week for sure, we just found out that Eric's brother Paul and his wife Beth are expecting their first child in May! Woo Hoo! How great is that? We really are so thrilled for them. I know for certain that they will be fabulous parents. They are so great with our kids. The only down side is that after their baby is born we have no more aunt and uncle all to ourselves. I think we'll be alright!

10 Years Gone

It's so hard to believe that 10 years have gone by since I graduated from high school. I can remember thinking way back then, "What if I don't get an invitation to my high school reunion?" I didn't really have a reason to think that I wouldn't. I knew almost everyone in my class and had quite literally grown up with many of them from the time we were in kindergarten. Well, I did get an invitation.

Last weekend we went back to IN to see how far (or not so far) everyone had come in 10 years. I had the most fun! I surprised myself with my social-ness. I guess, like most eveyone else, there is something about 10 years that just makes you release all the grudges and bitterness if you ever had it to begin with. I loved seeing my old classmates and sharing about my life. This was the true test, "are you proud of where you are in your life or not?" I was so proud to be there with my husband and to be able to share about my children and my career. It really felt good to be where I am and to share that.

There were a handful of people who I really hoped that I'd see and when I did I was so happy. My friends Shaun, Sean and Scott were all there. These are the guys that I felt the strongest friendships with (as guys go) in high school. What a thrill to see them all. It's so funny to be in such a different place in life, not worried about impressing anyone for the sake of anything too significant. Even funnier was being able to share the "feelings" that once existed for one or more of these guys without any hesitation. Crystal was so funny sharing her crush and then I didn't feel like I could let the night end without getting my crush out in the open. Thankfully, my crush on Sean, first, never amounted to anything and second, was much less significant than the friendship we shared.

These weren't the only people that I was happy to see. There were many others who I'd grown up with that I was so happy to see. Of course, Angie and I showed up in tandum with our husbands. When we walked in, Angie said, "I'm sure that people fully expected us to show up together. Nothing has changed." So funny! In high school Angie, Crystal and I were attached at the hip and you know we left together and went to hang out together afterward. I am so proud of these friendships though. God has been so good me. I would never change my friendships for anything.

Here's what I hope for the next 10 years: I hope that when I show up for our 20 year reuinon, I am again in tandum with my dearest friends and their husbands, that I am still as proud or more so of the life that God has blessed me with, that I can be more open about to whom I owe my blessings-- God, that more than half our class will be there and that Sean and Shaun show up with the women of their dreams.

10 years gone!

Seasons

How much do I love Fall? Everyone that I know says that Fall is their favorite season. It must be because it falls in between the roughest of the four seasons. Summer can be brutel with the heat... though I will say that a midwest summer doesn't compare to say, an Arizona summer. Winter in the midwest, however, can be horrible. We're due for a rough winter I think. It's been fairly mild the last couple years. So, all of that being said, who wouldn't love fall?

I thought of it in particular this morning cause I woke up to the crispness of the morning filling our bedroom. I left the windows cracked all night. I love that I had to get our quilt made of love by my mother-in-law back out to keep us warm during the fall nights. Nothing is better than pulling out sweaters and sweatshirts and moving our jackets to the front of the closet. Right now, when I sit in the glider rocker that we got when we had Alissa, I can look out our bedroom window and see our one tree with its leaves starting to change. What a thrill to teach Andrew about the seasons and have him witness it. When we walk out to get the mail, he says, "Ooh, mommy, it's very windy and chilly out." "Yeah, buddy, that means it's getting to be fall." I reminded him about the summer when we got our little pool out and it was sooo hot trying to help him learn the difference in the seasons.

I mostly want to dwell on what I love about this great season, but lets be honest, fall allergies really stink and how great would it be if it would stay light longer in the fall? Those are my only two issues with the changing season.

So, if your favorite season is fall, lets give a big shout out to God for being so creative!

Knowing His Character

If you have kids I know you can relate to this. And if you don't have kids... just imagine...
It's such an amazing act of kindness when people offer their willingness to keep an eye on my kids while I have some "me" time. Whether its dropping the kids off at their classes during church or it's our amazing sitter, Jenny, who comes to play with the kids while we go to our small group, it doesn't matter, it's all me time and these people have my gratitude. I used to be the one watching other people's kids. I did it a lot in high school. But, I have to say no one ever made me really feel appreciated like I hope those who do this favor for me feel.

But here's the real thing... while I love the time that the kids are in someone else's hands, of course there is a part of me that can't wait to see them again. Maybe it's partially a control thing, it could be that I hope the kids aren't causing their gracious volunteer too much grief, and it could be that I just miss them a bit. Whatever the reason, when I walk into that room or walk in the door from being gone, I can't wait for my eyes to meet their's. What a thrill! I feel like the luckiest person alive when they reach out their arms for me to pick them up. That is, unless they are screaming, poopy, or whining-- in which case I feel like I'm the one doing the caregiver a favor! I love when Andrew starts to go on and on about what he did in his class or with Jenny. He tells me that he had cheerios, colored a picture, played tag with the other kids, dressed up in costumes or watched a movie, and all I can do is be thrilled!

This feeling of joy when I see my kids after being away for a time must again just be a drop in the bucket compared to how God must feel when we are in communion with Him. I love this visual: imagine God sitting on His throne waiting, even longing to meet with YOU! And when your knees hit that floor in prayer (figuritively speaking--please don't think that I only pray while kneeling) or you open up His Word for Him to speak to you, he says,"Yes, what a thrill when your eyes meet mine, let me pick you up and hold you." Isn't that awesome?!

I find it amazing that at this time in my life, God is starting to (or else I'm just starting to listen) reveal his character through my experiences with my kids. Oh, I just pray that I will listen hard so that these types of visuals will last.

Today started a women's study at church where the kids go to their classes for the morning and I get to fellowship with other women and get into God's Word. I was a little nervous about the kids and how they'd do given the amount of time, but God is good and the kids did fabulous! The study is Beth Moore's Beloved Disciple. Now, I've done Beth Moore studies before and I am so eager to learn again from her awesome teaching. What a gift she has!
For the intro to this study our challenge is to compose a letter to Christ telling him the desires of my heart. Not the church answer, but the deep longings and desires that are truly in my heart.
So, now I'll go search my heart!

Our Rebellion

I think that the way our children's behavior can make us feel can often be a good representation of how we, as God's children, can make Him feel. I mean this both positive and negative. Of course from the positive side, we rejoice when our children make the right choices and follow the directions that we set for them, especially when they do it without havign to be reminded. What a joy! But, I set out to write this blog because of the negative.

Okay, so Andrew has really nailed potty training. I would even go as far as saying he's potty trained! There was a time when I had my doubts. But every once in a while, he goes through a little rebellion. Like this morning. He peed in his underwear twice before noon. The first time, I offered grace without hesitation because he had just gotten up and I forgot to remind him to go. Then he was just a little too late. The second time though, I really felt that he should have known better. His pulling at his crotch was a sign that I should find out what was going on. So I said, "Andrew, did you have an accident?" Then, point blank, he just said, "No". Then he quickly climbed up on the couch to hide the evidence since he knew I couldn't reach him from where I was sitting in the rocker feeding Alissa a bottle. He's pretty sneaky. So, I said, "Are you telling mommy the truth? If you are lying to me, then you will be disciplined." He knows what telling the truth is, what lying is and what it means to be disciplined, so with his head hung very low, he said, "Yes, I had an accident." So, I said, "Thank you for telling me the truth. Please get up and go potty and take your unders off." And off he went to follow my directions promptly.

Why does he lie? That was the question that I had. Then I thought, why do I lie and do a hundered other things that grieve God's heart? The way that I feel when Andrew lies to me must just be a scratch on the very surface of what God feels every time I disobey him. Certainly, I have understood that God has placed these children in my life to teach me a little something about His character. And once again, I am reminded.

Of course, I extend grace to my kids when they disobey or don't follow directions. Isn't it the least that I can do for all the Grace that has been extended to me through the death and resurrection of my Savior, Jesus.

Back To Work

Last weekend was my first weekend on my floor-- Cancer Care-- in nearly 3 months of getting called off or floated to other units due to low patient volume on my floor. It really felt good to be back. I love taking care of patients and it's clear to me again and again that I am in the right profession for me. I really love it. The nicest thing about being back though was how kind my co-workers were to me. Everyone made sure to tell me how happy they were to see me and work with me again. That creates a feeling that words can't describe.

I am happy that starting in October I'll be part of the permanent staff therefore getting called off much less frequently.

For most going to work is just what they do as part of their every day, for me, going to work is getting away. I love going to work to take care of my patients and to interact with my co-workers. I thank God for this opportunity and I thank my husband for taking on 3 kids for whole weekends at time... single handedly.

Where Were You...

September 11, 2001
Where were you that dreadful day? It's the same question that everyone asks about when JFK was shot, when the Challenger exploded and now when the World Trade Center was hit. It's crazy to be a part of such history. This was the day that literally changed the world and life as we knew it. It's hard to say that my life in particular has changed all that much as a result of this day, but the world around me that indeed has an effect on my life certianly has changed.

Where was I? In bed actually. Eric and I had been married for one month. I was still in nursing school and this was one of my late days for class, so I was in bed asleep. Eric got up and went to work as usual. On his way to work he was listening to NPR and heard that a bomb had hit the World Trade Center in New York. He called me as soon as he got to work and I jumped out of bed and was glued to the TV the rest of the morning with the phone in one hand giving Eric updates.

What I remember about that day... first of all, there's an eerie feeling for Eric and I cause just one month prior we had flown into Logan airport in Boston for our honeymoon, the same airport that the terrorist hijacked planes from. Something about the proximity of time makes us count our blessings. Other things I remember are how unsure everyone was about what was going on. Was it a bomb? Was it a plane? Was it 2 planes? Are there more? It just felt like everything was falling apart! I remember watching Fox News all day and seeing the second tower fall... live, in real time. The journalist reporting live did not know what hit him. He and everyone else just ran as the smoke rose up behind them. Being that I was working toward becoming a nurse, I took a particular interest in the healthcare scene so I remember hearing that the hospitals were gearing up for thousands of injuries and fatalities. As I recall there were far fewer injuries and many more deaths than anyone could anticipate.

Watching the commemoration today causes one to think about that day for sure. I loved hearing what Bill Krystal (Fox News) said when he talked about how those on Flight 93 that crashed in PA were the ones who epitomize the resolve of America to defeat terrorism. USA!!!

Other things I remember:
- Meeting Eric at the church we were married in for a prayer service on his lunch hour.
- Toby Keith's "Angry American" song
- "Let's Roll"- the words from a passenger leading the effort on flight 93 to take the plane back
- The repeated footage on every news station. One would have thought we got attacked a million more times than we did.
- All planes grounded. Would every major city in American be attacked this very day?
- Who is Osama Bin Laden? What is the Taliban?
- Proud to be an American and proud to be a Bush supporter... and I still am!!!

Picture Mayhem

We've always had the pictures of our kids done at The Picture People. When Andrew was born we purchased a Portrait Club membership and have renewed with each consecutive child. The key to getting good pictures there (or anywhere I suppose) is choosing the right time of day and not freaking your kid out once your there. I know that the photographers there have the right heart, but sometimes they don't see that using the dreaded feather duster doesn't work on every kid. Andrew really hated that thing and so we finally learned to just tell the person not to use it before we ever started the sitting.

Getting pictures from the ages of 1 month to about 9 months is a piece of cake as long as we bring our kids fed and changed and rested. Once they become comfortable with their mobility, the process got more challenging simply because it's hard to keep them in once spot, but still, they liked to smile and respond to the silly noises and faces with a great picturesque smile.

Andrew has always cooperated with getting pictures taken and therefore we have some super shots of him at every age. (do you believe that for the first year, I took him for pictures every 2 months! YIKES!) Alissa still falls into that "easy" category and so far we have great pics of her.
Naturally, I've saved Anna for last cause she moved quickly from the "easy" category to the "we might have to skip this age (for pictures)" category.

Here's the most recent experience... 2 weeks ago when the kids and I went to IN to visit, we thought we'd get the pics done and my mom would come along. Picture People wound up being booked the day we went so we opted for a sitting at JCPenny. What a nightmare! Not because it was JCPenny, but because Anna wanted nothing to do with the camera or her brother and sister, which was the whole point of the photo shoot. I mean to tell you, she screamed the whole time! We ended up with decent shots of Alissa alone.

So, today, everyone was in a great mood this morning and I thought we'd give it a shot first thing when the mall opened. I made the appointment and the kids were in fabulous spirits. The ideal situation. We got there, they got us right in and to my surprise, Anna took an interest in the props that they offer. She flashed her gorgeous smile a few times before she fell apart crying and the pictures were taken... we thought. My theory about Anna is that she does not like to be told what to do. That means, if you can capture a good picture of her doing her own thing then lucky you, but if you start to tell her what to do and where to sit, forget it!

If you've ever used Picture People for photos, you know that they develop them in an hour. So we walked around and played in the play area for an hour...breaking right into our usual nap time, but we survived. I walked back into the store to see our pictures and was promptly told that there was a cord not connected right and none of the pictures were actually taken. RAAAAAAAH! I was not a happy customer. I now have 2 weeks to get Anna back in there for more drama just to recieve a free sheet. I'll let you know how it all turns out...

Krikey...he's really gone :(

Here we are dressed up as Steve and Terry Irwin (and Andrew is our Croc) for Halloween in 2003. Okay, so we're not exactly what you would call die hard fans of animal planet and sure we respect wildlife, but I wouldn't put either of in the category of wildlife conservationists. We did, however, get a kick out of watching the Croc Hunter get dangerously close to crazy animals like crocs, komodo dragons, rhinos and many more. We used to literally just sit there and laugh at how rediculous he was for trying such stunts. In my heart of hearts, I believe this man really loved what he was doing. He loved the learning that was associated with his job. He had a job that literally only a few people have in the world. It's so sad that the education that he was able to give by doing what he did can no longer be done by him.

I was so surprised to see that he had died. I mean of all people, for some reason, he just seemed the least likely. He really knew what he was doing. Even more surprising is how he died. I mean, come on... a stingray. There have only been like 10 people that have ever died by a stingray. And what are the odds that he was in exactly the right spot to get stabbed directly in the heart? I mean if he had gotten stabbed in the leg or the shoulder, it wouldn't have killed him. They say that the poison that a stingray produces is unlikely to kill a human. Here's a guy who takes all kinds of risks with other much more dangerous animals and he dies from a stingray barbing him in the heart!!! It would be like a lion tamer getting killed by a domestic cat!

Well, needless to say, I was so sad that he had died. I know it sounds silly, but if only for entertainment, we really enjoyed Steve Irwin. We even taught Andrew to say, "Krikey, it's dingo." when we read his book about different deserts. Perhaps we'll watch the reruns of The Croc Hunter on Animal Planet and remember the good times!

Football Basics

Ahhhhh, Fall! What a pure delight to wake up this morning and turn on ESPN College Game Day. That's right, most Saturdays we bear the annoyance of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse several times in a row for the sake of content kids, but today the season opener of Game Day took precedence. We watched all of College Game Day amid cleaning the bathroom and folding laundry. Then there was kick off...

The first televised game of the day was Michigan vs. Vanderbilt. I loved just having the game on even as background noise (being that I don't have a particular interest in either team...except maybe Michigan for the sake of the Big Ten). I found it entertaining that Andrew-3 showed some level of interest this year.

I was trying to remember how I ever learned about football... or any sport for that matter. I don't have any memories of my mom or dad or even my brother sitting down with me and teaching me about the whole point of each sport. Perhaps I learned the same way that Andrew is starting to learn. This morning as he and Anna sat together in our green upholstered rocker and I sat on the couch, all of us watching the game or at least pointed toward it (the watching of it is debatable for a 1 1/2 year old and a 3 year old), Andrew asked me, "Mom, why do those boys have helmets on?" I said, "Cause they like to tackle each other." Then he said, "Why do they tackle each other?" "Wow" I thought, "he really wants to know." So, then I figured I should come up with an answer that was more than just words to get him to stop asking.

"The blue team wants to run with the ball to make a touch down and the white team is trying to stop them, so they tackle them." I said. Andrew said, "Why the blue team runs with the ball?" My response was just a repeat of what I said before. "So then the white team tackles them?" He said. Ahhh, he got it. Most of my conversations with Andrew these days include about 20 "why's" and my attempt to truthfully answer each question so that it's understandable to him and he STOPS ASKING WHY!!!

Hopefully, if this is how Andrew learns about sports and all other things for that matter, then we will teach him well and he will learn quickly. Whether he is ever an athlete himself, we want him to have an appreciation of the sports we love and look forward to with each new season.
Of course we'll raise kids who love the big ten! GO BOILERS!!!

Old Friends...nothing like it!

There's nothing like reuniting with old friends. Last weekend I took the kids back to Indiana where we got to spend some time with some of my old friends from high school. Eric was on a fishing trip with his buddies, so this was a great chance for us to get home. I never feel that I take for granted the friendships that I have, but every time I spend time with these girls, we absolutely feel like no time has passed since we've been together. It had been nearly a year since we'd seen each other and it was at one of our friends weddings at that.

This was time that had no agenda and very few time constraints. We found it funny that we just can't stay up like we used to. Well some of us felt that way... My friend Jen and I ended up staying up until 1am talking. Part of that time was in her driveway after I took her back to her parents house. The funny part was that Jen and I were the 2 of the 4 of us together that night that stay home exclusively with our kids. We were the ones that were staying up and the other two who have jobs outside their homes were falling asleep. We joked that Jen and I were the ones who craved the outside interaction the most cause we're cooped up with our kids all day. It's like being with friends energized us. Though we joked about it, I think there's some truth to it.

We talk about everything. There aren't any other people in the world that I feel more uninhibited with than these girls. Jen and I talked and wondered why we can just laugh until we nearly pee our pants and tears are flowing from our eyes with each other, but finding that anywhere else proves to be really hard. I don't know if we know the answer, but we do know that are so thankful that even if it's just once a year, we have each other to laugh with. We cry to together too. And share all kinds of other emotions, but laughing is the one that feels so special and so important.

Jen, Amber, Angie: I loved seeing you guys and I love and value you each so much. Thanks for making the time!

We Did It...I think!

If you looked in a potty training guide and found the section about what NOT to do, you'd probably see my name with all the things that I did with Andrew written there. I know I did it all wrong. I think I was too anxious to get started and let him start wearing Pull Ups (that we nicknamed New Boys) before he was really ready. The first week we started, turned out to be more of a novelty for him and after that I was so back and forth with wearing New Boys and underwear (that we nicknamed Unders). Whenever we'd go out to the store or to a restaurant, I'd put new boys on him so that if he had to go pee pee, I wouldn't have to drag all the kids in the bathroom or end up with an accident and wet clothes. I know that the golden rule of potty training is consistency. I was so inconsistent.

The other wrong thing that I did was get upset with him when he would have an accident. He got to where he would run around the house with wet underwear and not even tell me until I noticed myself. Then I would get upset with him. How confusing for him. I also stopped using "special treats" after the first couple of weeks. I was feeling torn because I hate to use food as a reward so I thought of using matchbox cars. Matchbox cars is a special treat that can get expensive so that one fell by the wayside. Then I thought about stickers, but stickers didn't seem to be quite enough. So, it turned out that when he would go, there was rarely a special treat associated.

Oddly, Andrew did master going poo poo in the potty and stuck with that one. I think that it may have something to do with the fact that it would really bother him to have poop in his new boys. Who can blame him, I would just think that pee would have the same effect. I guess not.

Getting back to the point of this blog... last Thursday (a week ago) Andrew saw his doctor for a three year check up. Andrew really likes his doctor and thinks he's really nice, so when the doctor told him to really try to do a good job using the potty, Andrew was really affected by that. Eric and I made a decision to do away with the new boys all together, even for naps and bedtime. So, that's what we did and ever since we've had only a couple accidents. He is waking up dry from his naps and from bedtime and it seems that he's finally figured out what it feels like to have to go. I've started using special treats again and yes... it's food. I guess that there are some things that you have to compromise for a time in order to accomplish something else.
I hope this is it. It's crazy to think that in just another few months we'll be starting in with Anna.

Memorization

Of all the things that I've been wishy washy on in my life, the one that affects my soul in the most costly way is my devotion to spending time with God each day. It's similar to my struggle with eating in that having a plan to follow is usually more effective. Also, accountability is so important. The same friend that I have sought accountability with regarding my weight loss, I also share accountability with for our spiritual well being. It's so good to encourage each other in this area. Romans 14:19:
"Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification."

Why is this such a hard thing to stick with? I believe there is a constant spiritual battle being fought even within my own soul. Satan rejoices when days go by in between times that I am in communion with God the Father. Of all of the arch enemies that exist, the battle between God and Satan is at the top of the list. I would venture to guess that most people if given the option would say they'd rather be on God's side than on the side of the enemy. But what does that mean? The Bible says in Revelation 3:16:
"So, because you are lukewarm-neither hot nor cold-I am about to spit you out of my mouth."

I have always interpreted that passage to mean you are either sold out for the gospel of Christ or you are not and that is how you should live. That is how I should live. I know that the Holy Spirit lives in me and stirs in my heart daily. It is important for me to be always striving to better my relationship and my devotion to God. Doing that means spending time with God daily and arming myself with the power of scripture. "Therefore put on the full armor of God..."
The Bible calls the Bible the "sword of the Spirit." My goal for my life is to know scripture so that I can recall it for teaching my children and guarding my spirit against the enemy.

This weeks message at church was on Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. The challenge was "What is your furnace?" What area is God calling me to that sets me outside of my comfort zone? Here is the verse that I want to memorize as I pray about this:

"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God as promised to those who love him." James 1:12

Playground Workout

I just finished e-mailing my friends from my small group who have been my biggest encouragers with my current quest for permenant weight loss, but thought that I would do a post on the same thing. My self created playground workout.

It's so hard to get to the gym on a regular basis without having to take the kids. The gym that I belong to is great cause it's free (it's connected to the hospital I work at), but the down side is that I have to pay for child care if I bring the kids when I work out. Eric and I have had high hopes of trying to work it out so that I can go when he gets home from work, but that only seems to happen once in a while. So, I thought there must be some way to get some exercise in each day without having to wait to go to the gym.

We were at the park this morning as we are starting to be on most mornings at about 8:30. Going to the park is great first thing in the morning cause it gets the kids moving instead of sitting in front of the TV and it forces me to get going too. This morning I put my workout clothes on and got my tennis shoes on before we left for the park. Once we were there I let the kids run a muck, I finished feeding Alissa her breakfast and then I looked around for ways to get some exercise. Of course, joining in with the kids running around is pretty good exercise, but I wanted to be more intentional about it. So here's what I came up with:

1. Step ups on the playground step (like an aerobic step, but just up and down)

2. Standing push ups on the back of the sitting bench (it felt good to use the bench for something other than just sitting there)

3. Calf raises using the playground step

4. Pull ups on the monkey bars (for the stronger of you reading this-- I can't do it yet)

5. Sitting knee bends on the high step of the playground (sit and pull knees toward chest) abs

So try it out if you are so inclined. And let me know if you have other ideas for additional exercises.

I'll keep going to the gym when I can, but now I have no excuse for not getting exercise in.

All in one

This is a fun time for my kids ages. There's just something about the nice round numbers. Currently, Andrew is 3 years old, Anna is 18 months old, and Alissa is 6 months old. The next fun one will be when they are 1, 2 and 3. Their current ages happen to also be ages that require a well child doctor's visit. It's quite an ordeal taking them to the doctor. None of them particualarly enjoy being closed into a small room waiting for the doctor to come in. Scheduling a separate appointment for each child would mean three different trips to the doctor with all three kids even though only one would get the check up. My solution was to schedule their appointments all at the same time back to back.

This morning at 8am we loaded up in the van for our 8:30 appointment. It really worked out well. No one got too upset and the office staff was accomodating and on time. Here's the funny thing: my kids are so different with their sizes. Andrew weighs 36 lb. (85%) and is 38.5 (70%) in tall. He's really taken off in weight. He used be at the bottom of the chart, but he's started to pack it on. Anna weighs almost 28 lbs. (80%) and is 31 3/4 in tall (50%). She's always been in this range. She actually used to be off the charts in weight. Alissa weighs nearly 14 lbs. (15%) and is almost 25 in. (15%).

Everyone is very healthy and the next time I have to take all of the kids to the doctor in the same month, I'll do it just like this.

Starting Preschool

I know that kids start learning from the time they are born. With each of my kids I remember being amazed at what it must be like to be a blank slate. I watch Alissa right now at 6 months and I think, "Wow, everyday is full of new things for her." Of course it makes me think of the influence that I have on my kids. The words I use, my responses to situations, the way I spend my time... all those things are what my kids are learning from me.

I feel that my capacity to be teacher of more intellectual things, academic things is a more limited than it is to teach them to handle emotions, to fear and love God, and treat others nicely. So, as Andrew approached 3 years of age, I thought we'd enroll him in preschool. I found a nice preschool through the community center and got him all enrolled. Finding the right preschool was a challenge. There are plenty of really good ones out there, but they sure do charge a premium for enrolling. Many of them were far beyond our affordability. This particular one that we chose was not cheap, but I guess it seemed more affordable than some of the others.

I was really getting excited about preschool for Andrew. But I was also concerned that he wouldn't really get the type of challenge intellectually that I thought he needed. I know it sounds like I think my kid is brighter than all the other kids his age, but at the risk of sounding that way, I do think that he would get bored if he wasn't stretched a bit. I began to think that preschool would be good for him socially if nothing else.

Is social development for a 3 year old worth $120 every month for 2 hours, 2 days a week? I began to think there must be a better, less expensive way. I talked with my friend Jennifer who is a teacher and has one son (who is also 3) and she got me thinking that maybe I don't have to put Andrew in preschool this early.

So from the financial aspect and the idea that Andrew could be both intelectually and socially stimulated some other way, we've decided to not send him to preschool this year. I do feel that it's important for him to have some structure in his days, so today began what I hope is a long term attempt at challenging his 3 year old brain.

We had our first "at home preschool" lesson about shapes and matching. We worked on finding the one that doesn't belong and then we drew lines to put the shapes in their appropriate boxes. I was hoping that we would spend an hour or so working on these plus a couple of other worksheets. Andrew figured each worksheet out in about 1 minute and then completed them all in about 20 minutes. I guess I need to choose something a little harder.

Socially, my hope is to get him into some type of 3 year olds team sport and/or a music class. Andrew seems very drawn to music and I have to say that there are even signs that he might have some natural gifting musically.

So, being that Andrew is only 3, I think it's easy to get all wrapped up in what we're going to do for him. In a way, I think its just as important to let him just be 3.

Returning home

We just returned home from our trip to WV to visit Grandma and Grandpa, Uncle Paul and Aunt Beth. While we were there we celebrated Andrew's 3rd birthday. And Eric and I celebrated our 5th anniversary. We had such a great time. There aren't very many things that I love more than watching our kids bond with Grandma and Grandpa and their relationships with Uncle Paul and Aunt Beth are really special. They all love our kids so much.

For his birthday, Andrew got Lightning McQueen that talks and does tricks. He loves it so much. It's really fun for the kids to be around Pau and Beth cause they devote all their attention to them. That's the thing that changes when Aunts and Uncles have children of their own. When I was growing up most of my aunts and uncles had no children yet, so I got all their attention and I really loved that.

Grandma and Grandpa have the best house and yard for the kids to play. There's a hill that Grandpa taught Andrew to roll down. That's right, Grandpa rolled down a hill. It was great. Anna rolled down the hill too, but she couldn't help it. She also didn't mind it all that much.
My only regret about going to WV is that we can't do it more often. We have so much fun.

Eric and I went to Pittsburgh for our anniversary and had a awesome day alone. We had lunch at a great restaurant called Six Penn and we got to see a Pirates game at PNC Park. Eric got us tickets that were about 17 rows behind home plate. It was really fun and a great way to celebrate 5 years. One of these days we'll take a big trip. I really want to go back to Cape Cod where we had our honeymoon. Maybe 10 years... you never know.

Chandler, Monica, Joey, Pheobe, Rachel, Ross

Who can guess my favorite T.V. show of all time? Friends!
How much to do I love Friends? So much!
I have accumulated every season's box set. That means I own every episode of Friends that has ever been made. My favorites are "The One with the Embyos" cause this is the one with "Bamboozled" I also love "The One where No One's Ready" cause Joey puts on all of Chandler's clothes and sayds "Could I be wearing in more clothes?" Oh, man I want to go watch it now!

My husband is the best. He literally lets me turn Friends on every night as we go to bed. I've actually considered taking a set with me to watch on our portable DVD player. But I won't.

I don't know why I love it so much. I know that it was one of the most successful sit-coms, but what about it draws me in so much. Is it that I can imagine being there? Is it that it makes me laugh no matter how many times I've seen it? Maybe its because it's the best mindless thing I can think of and I always end up smiling. Whatever the case, I hope I always love it. Eric jokes that when I'm old I'll be in a nursing home all pulled up to the T.V. in my wheel chair watching it. Maybe I will! It could be worse!

The Cycle Continues

It's been over 18 months. Though those 18 months have presented plenty of challenges of their own, I never missed this thing that was missing. But it has returned. I'm talking about my monthly cycle. My period! YUCK! I always feel like cursing Eve when I'm on my period. Actually I feel like cursing everyone.

My husband will be thrilled to know that I admit that I completely over reacted the other night. I literally thought to myself, "What is wrong with me, why am I acting like this?" But in the moment of a heated discussion (most of the heat brought on by me) I didn't want to admit that I was wrong. The argument is hardly worth mentioning, but I will. In a nutshell, I was anxious about out trip which begins today. I was worrying about the details with the kids and how to best keep them entertained and Eric just wanted me to relax. In the heat, I threw the remote control and stormed downstairs. I never throw things when I'm mad and I rarely storm out of any room. I blame my period.

After I had Andrew I think I had 2 periods that were really weird and they weren't consecutive. Then I got pregnant with Anna. After I had Anna I didn't even have a period before I got pregnant with Alissa, so really, this is sort of like the first in over 3 years. Why do we want so badly to start our periods when we are preteens? There is nothing, and I mean nothing glorious about this.

I will say that I'm thankful that I had my tubal after Alissa. There were times when I worried that I would regret it, but now that my body is evidently back to a fully functional state, I'm really glad I don't have to worry about getting pregnant again. I'm really glad considering Eric and I had a really nice anniversary weekend -nudge, nudge, wink, wink- right when I would have been fertile.

I especially hate traveling while on my period. I mean come on, having to pack all the necessary things including extra underwear just in case, is just an absolute pain-- can I get an amen? Well, it is what it is and I'll just take it in stride. But I'll hate it just the same.

Waste Management

A couple weekends ago, my parent's came to our house and blessed us by staying the kids for 2 nights while Eric and I went away for our anniversary. This is the first time since Andrew was born that we have been gone for more than one night. We really needed to get away. It was good that both my mom and dad were here to manage the kids. I've said it before, they're good kids, but anyone who doesn't take care of them on a daily basis is likely to have a hard time with three kids under 3 years old for 2 nights. Everything went great and the kids behaved really well... at least that's what I'm told.

When we came home, my dad said to me, "Now I know what you do all day... Waste management." We all got a good laugh. He's right though. Today I was reminded of that once again.

This morning we decided to take a walk to the park that's near our house so that the kids could play on the playground and get some energy burned off. I knew that by doing this my day would be more sane as I try to prepare for our trip. Before we left, I made sure that Andrew had pottied and the girls diapers were fresh. After about 20 minutes of playing, I look over and see Andrew walking with his knees together. I knew that we were having a potty issue. He said to me, "Mom, I have to poo poo." I thought, "Ah ****, we'll never make it home in time." It only takes us 5 minutes to walk to the park through the path mowed through a field. We got home and sure enough we were too late. I couldn't be mad at him though. He said to me, "Mommy, it came out by itself."

So, we got all cleaned up and I thought we were ready to head back to the park. I picked Anna up to put her back in the stroller and quickly realized that I had another mess to take care of before we left. So, I got Anna cleaned and changed and now I thought we'd get out the door. Alissa was really crying by now since I had left her in her carrier thinking this would be quick. So, I picked her up and.... you guessed it! MORE POOP!

Can you say Waste Management?!

Setting the Rules

Andrew recently learned that he could use the computer pretty much all by himself. He slides that little mouse around and clicks on anything that lights up or makes a noise when you cross it. I'll admit that it's been a refreshing break from always wanting to watch T.V. and it has been educational too. I look forward it being a good resource for teaching. But...

We finally had to set some rules. Andrew has delighted himself in coming up here without asking or slyly getting up from a supposed nap and plopping his little cheeks down on the office chair. Then he gets into stuff on the computer desk or surfd his little 3 year old way through the web. The other day I found that he had ended up on the part of the Disney website where you can purchase merchandise. I hope we don't get a package full of "Cars" when we return from our trip. Another time, Eric came up to find his wallet had been emptied of everthing. Credit cards were strewn about the desk. I know what you're saying, "He probably used them to buy stuff of the Disney website." He's smart, but hopfully not that smart!

The final rule is no sitting at the desk or playing on the computer without asking mom or dad. We'll see how obedient he will be.

My In-laws

We leave Wednesday for our trip to West Virginia to visit Eric's family. We'll be gone for both our 5th anniversary and Andrew's 3rd birthday. This will be the first or our kids' birthdays that Grandma and Grandpa Melby will get to be with us for. Uncle Paul and Aunt Beth will be there too. We are so excited about our trip. All my life I've loved trips. Especially road trips (even though I have horrible motion sickness). I hope that I'm passing that on to my kids. But more than the trip itself, I look forward to visiting my husband's family.

It's funny that all the silly (and mean) in-law jokes just don't apply to me. I can honestly say from the bottom of my heart that I love my in-laws. And I'm not just saying that cause I think they'll read my blog. I really do. Eric jokes with me that I talk to his mom more than he does. He jokes, but he's right! I know that my in-laws love me in return. My mother-in-law had only boys so I sometimes feel like I make up for her void of never having a daughter (well, me and my brother-in-law's wife...who's also really great). I look forward to visiting them at their house so much. They are the best hosts. Every time we are there it literally feels like vacation. Isn't that what everyone wants? I can never understand why some in-laws are just so rotten. I just know that I'm so thankful that mine aren't.

Not only do I feel this way about Eric's parent's, but also his brother. If I remember right, I met Paul before I met their parents. Eric and I drove from Indiana to Illinois to meet Paul for the annual Fantasy Baseball Draft. Well, the fact that I wanted to participate in this was an automatic in for me. Was I trying to make a good impression? Of course! Was I really that into it? At the time, yes! Have I stayed that interested? ummmmmmm no! Seriously though, when I met Paul, I remember thinking that I would have liked to have been friends with him if I had met him elsewhere. The one thing that I will say about Paul is that this guy has more useless (and useful) knowledge than anyone I have ever known. I guess that comes with being...well brilliant!

Maybe the number one thing I love most about our visits is breakfast. Doesn't that sound funny? I mean every day we eat breakfast right? Well, not only is the food always good (and I don't have to make it), there's something really special about being leisurly in the morning and sitting around the breakfast table for a few hours just talking and laughing. It's especially fun when Eric's brother is there cause inevitably we get the pleasure of hearing them reminisce about their childhoods. It's even funnier when they happen to tell a story that neither parent has ever heard. I have often wondered how one family can have so many funny stories to tell. It doesn't really matter how many times the stories are told, they will be funny every time!

So, to my in-laws: I love you all so much and I love being a part of your family!

Thoughts from the weekend

Thoguht #1
Okay, here I am at the end of the weekend. A long weekend it's been. It always feels that way when I sing at church. Singing on the worship team is one of the things in my life that brings me the most joy. It absolutely energizes me to be up there worshiping God. Ooh! I just love it and this weekend was particularly high energy so that was even better. But like a lot of the things that we love in life, at the end, I'm so tired. I'll take the tiredness to be able to do it again and again!

Thought #2
I was also scheduled to work all night tonight. Ugh! Of all the times that I wish that I could work and NOT get called off, this is the least of them. Not only am I tired from the weekend of singing, I am not used to working all night on a Sunday night into Monday morning when Eric won't be here to let me sleep the next day. And to top it off, we are planning to leave Wednesday evening for our visit ot West Virginia with Eric's family. So of the things listed here, work is the one I am least excited about. I said a prayer today on my way home from service that God would protect "people" from anything that would require hospital admission and that he would bring those that were already there to a point in their recovery so that they could be discharged. This prayer was said in hopes that I would get called off. And I did! I am on call, but still, Glory to God for answering that prayer.

Thought #3
So, in saying that prayer does that mean that on other days I pray that people would be sick enough to go to or stay in the hospital. I don't think so, but it is job security for me. There will always be sick people. No matter how advanced our technology becomes and good our medicine is, there will always be a need for nurses.

Thought #4
The message this weekend was on Courage. The challenge was "what thing in your life do you need to step out in courage to face?" It's interesting because the response that came to my head is also the response that I had for the "Mountain Moving Prayers" message. Weight Loss!
Praise God that I am on that journey, hopefully once and for all. But it does require courage. The biggest leap for me was sharing openly with my girfriends about my weight issue and an even bigger leap was going yet another step with just one friend. So, even though I've taken the initial leap with courage, I continue to ask God to help and give me courage and strength for the entire journey. God says, "Be strong and couragous..."

My final thought:
Whenever I sing or work on a weekend, Eric is left with the bulk of kid responsiblity. I know it's tough. He works hard all week and I know in his heart of hearts he wishes he could come home and not have to be responsible for three little lives, but he embraces it and does a great job. He has told me before that having these times reminds him of how hard I work during the week when I'm home with them day after day. So, in some way, it's really good for both of us. Whether it's singing or working, I always feel refreshed (despite the tiredness) having been with adults and doing things I love. Again, good for both of us.
As a little refresher for Eric tonight, he went with the guys to see "Taledega Nights, The Legend of Ricky Bobby." I have to admit, I'm a little jealous.

Worship

Just on our break before communion. Singing with the worship team this weekend. It's going to be short cause I know it's almost time. The message is on Caleb and Joshua this weeekend. Talking about courage.
Sounds like a really good message, I'll listen to the whole message at 6:30pm.

Are emotions learned?

Here's a deep thought for the day: Are emotions learned? I wondered this as I sat and watched the end Disney's "Monster's Inc." with my son and daughter this afternoon. This is a movie that we watch at least once a week upon their request. It's certainly an intriguing movie. The creators of this movie thought well to get into the minds of children and their fear of monsters and make a movie out of it to relieve their fears. Very smart! If you've never seen the movie, the basic concept is a little girl befriending a big, hairy monster. At the end of the movie they part ways as the monster takes the little girl back to her room and tucks her into bed. They have one last hug and the monster goes back into her closet, never to be seen again. The emotioin of both characters upon their departure is sad. I came into the room for the last 10 minutes of the movie, and though I've seen a million times before, I still found myself wanting to cry.

That's what made me wonder: Are emotions learned? My 3 year old son didn't cry, in fact he shows no emotion during this part of the movie. He can tell me that Sully (the monster) and Boo (the little girl) are both sad, but he's not sad. Yet, when one of us leaves for work, or occasionally when we leave him with the babysitter, he's sad and he cries. Same emotion, different situation.

Why do adults cry at movies? At what point in our development do our minds and hearts colide so that when we watch a situation (even though we know it's not real) we feel sad inside and even shed some tears? Are our emotions learned or developed based on life's experiences? Is that what is different between me and Andrew? I've just experienced more life than he has, so when I see others sad, it makes me sad? Which then leads me to wonder why do some people cry so easily and others almost never cry?

A thought for another day I guess!

Conflict resolution

I'm so proud of Eric. This morning he is being recognized at church as a leader. He's really gifted as a teacher and has such a great knowledge of the Bible. He really belongs in leadership. Would he know how proud of him that I am this morning? It's unlikely.

He left this morning as we were attempting to resolve some conflict from this morning and left over from last night. Conflict resolution is something that we've always been pretty good at, but not because of me. That's a strength that Eric brought into our marriage and I've learned from him and I'm still learning. Unfortunately (and I know my mom would agree), the thing that was demonstrated to me as a child by my parents was the silent treatment (from mom) and ignoring the problem (from dad). In some way, I'm glad that I didn't grow up with parents that would have frequent knock down, drag out fights. But in other ways, I wish that they demonstrated a more healthy way of resolving conflict. But enough about my parents. I can't blame them for this conflict or how we're handling it.

What happened was I let unresolved hard feelings fester inside all morning, then when it came down to it, I was so mad that I couldn't resolve anything very well. After some time, we got to talk about the issues. Which, it's worth mentioning that the issue that we're arguing about is never the real issue. There's almost always something underlying that made the issue at hand that much worse. In this instance, I was mad at Eric for not listening to me the last night. Then this morning, I'm sure that I woke up mad at him and didn't even know it. And as it always seems to go, we didn't resolve the "real" issue until he was ready to walk out the door.

In effort to send him off as the proud wife that I truly am, I had to force my emotions to catch up with my words more quickly than I usually do. I didn't do a very good job of that. I said, "I'm sorry and I love you. I don't want you to go thinking that I'm mad at you, cause I'm not." All said with my arms crossed and no emotion in my voice. Do you think he believed me? Of course not. What he said was, "It's about body language, you are saying you're sorry, but you sound like you are barking at me." Then he imitated me and it made us both laugh. As soon as I stretched out my arms to hug him for real, a peace came over us both. That's conflict resolution. Then I could really say, "I'm sorry and I love you and I'm proud of you." And this time he believed me.

Life's challenges-cystinosis

Everyone knows that life is full of challenges. This certainly won't be the only blog that I post on this issue. But after posting the blog about my girlfriends, it made me think of truly how exceptional the friends that I have here are. I've never met people that were more committed to their respective causes than this group. I think we become more committed to something when it is presenting a challenge in our lives or the lives of those around us. The friends that God has given me here are so interested in one another's lives and well being that one person's challenge becomes the other's and so the cycle continues.

There is a disease called Cystinosis, that before moving here, I had not heard of- even as a nurse. It's rare and it effects children at birth. We have friends here who have two children with this disease and it has changed their lives forever. What I have seen these friends do is embrace a really difficult life challenge. To put it lightly, in order to manage their children's illness, they have to give their children some kind of medication every hour for at least 12 hours a day. They take turns getting up at night to give the kids medicine in the middle of the night. They do all this and still know that their children are likely to have long term, serious medical problems as a result of this disease. The more I learn about the disease from them, the more I admire their dedication to seeing a cure.

Not only have I watched my friends deal with this on a daily basis, I have watched others of my friends come along side them and get committed to the cause for a cure for these two precious children and incidentally, many more across the nation whol also have this disease. I mentioned in my girlfriend blog that I love watching my friends use their gifts. One example is my friend Amber who is using her gift of organization and planning to benefit this cause. In October there will be a Cystinosis Carnival that will raise money for research of this disease. My friends Brittney and Brett (the parent's of the children with cytinosis) have made it their mission for this period of their lives to see a cure for this illness. So, together with Amber they are planning this event. I can't wait to be a part of it. If you are reading this and you want to know more about cystinosis you can go to the cystinosis link that is on my blog. www.cystinosisfoundation.org.