Monday, November 06, 2006

Melancholy

Well, this is interesting. I actually just looked up the word melancholy in the dictionary and the first definition has nothing to do with a state of mind, but the second says, "depression of spirits." I always thought that melancholy just meant that you were not excited or depressed, just somewhere in the middle. So that's why I titled my post Melancholy. If you refer to melancholy as depressed, then that's not what I meant.

I don't really feel depressed. I feel extremely thoughtful lately though. So much is going on internally for me that it's got me wound up so tight. Oddly, I have a real sense of peace though. I know that my peace is coming from God alone. He promises me that he will be the peace that passes all understanding. We are in a place that we never imagined that we'd be 2 years after moving away from our home. I have to confess that as hard as I try, I can't make this place feel 100% like home. I've always felt that way. That's really all I can say about the current state of things.

Post Weekend

I worked all weekend and it always feels good. It feels good to have worked and challenged my brain, my skills and served people (while making a few dollars). But, I'm always better at home when I've work a little outside of my home. I know not everyone is like me, but after I work, my attitude is better when I return home. And since I don't work full time I don't feel like I'm burning out at work. Most of the nurses I work with are bitter about being there and frankly hate coming to work. I can remember feeling this way when I worked full time...all the time! As nurses, working full time means you work way more than "full time." This leads to burn out! It just does! So, I am grateful that I only work a couple days a week, cause when those days come, I'm eager to work and when the weekend is over, I'm eager for a new week to start at home! It's the best of both worlds for me... most of the time!

As long as I work in a hospital I will be required to fulfill my holiday duty. No one wants to work on a holiday, but the way that look at it that always seems to help is that the people I'm taking care of want to be in the hospital a whole lot less than I want to be there working. If I can make their stay in the hospital over a holiday even the least bit more joyful, then I feel better about being there.

I took care of a woman whose family was in from out of state for only a few days at the exact time that she got sick unexpectedly and had to be hospitalized. I know if that were me, I would be so sad. So, I did my best to encourage her and empathize with her. Of course taking care of people's physical needs is imperative while they are in the hospital, but I really believe that taking care of people mentally and emotionally is just as important, if not more so. If you've ever had a grouchy nurse, then you know what I mean.

So, it feels good to start a new week after working all weekend. My kids definitely drive me less crazy when I've had some time away from them. (not being mean, just being honest)!!!